Hillary Clinton in The Resistance … and Other Philosophical Questions

    PS. Just in case you don’t know what the Clinton meme is referring to, the woman who epitomises the Globalist oligarchy has now returned from her walk in the woods to style herself as a champion of “The Resistance”. Go on laugh. Laugh out loud, it’s so absurd. PPS. Silly me, but I’ve just realised the answer to the riddle. Since Mrs Clinton has been talking a lot about walking in the woods a lot, and since there is a […]

The Emperor’s Old Clothes

Once upon a time there was an Emperor who was very rich, very vain, and exceedingly foolish. In his country emperors were elected every four years, and because many of the people had become tired of voting for Emperor after Emperor, only to find that the new one wore the same clothes as the last one, he promised that if they voted for him, he would wear a new set of clothes. “Vote for me,” he said. “I’ll put on […]

Trump Takes the Cake: That Awful Moment When it Really Hits You That the World’s Most Powerful Country is run by the World’s Stupidest Man

I am rarely lost for words. I am close to it now. If you haven’t already seen the exchange between the man posing as a President, and a woman posing as a journalist asking “tough questions” over his Syrian bombing adventure, you need to see it. It is beyond parody. It is beyond jaw-dropping. It is beyond embarrassing. You need to see it to know the calibre of the man who is now sending an armada to the Korean peninsula, […]

Congratulations Flood in to Donald Trump From Around the World After His Attack on Syria

Mr Trump’s hit on Syria last week may have been met with utter dismay from many who voted for him, but it has been a big hit with many former opponents. In another Blogmire exclusive, we can reveal some of the letters of congratulations Mr Trump has received from around the world. Dear Donald, I just wanted to let you know that I’m really very sorry for some of the things I said about you in the past. I must […]

Overwhelming Evidence of Russian Interference in 2016 Election for Pugley Mayor, Says Former Councillor

By Theblogmire’s resident Russia expert, Russell O’Phobe. There is “clear evidence” that Russia interfered directly in the 2016 mayoral election in the town of Pugley, one of the candidates has said. Speaking to a gathering of local councillors, Brian Arkwright, the loser in last year’s election, told them that the election had been “compromised by Russian infiltration”. The former town councillor’s comments came after it emerged that a number of councils may have also been the target of cyberattacks during the […]

Trump Hates Love and Love Hates Trump: A Tale of Post-Election Safe-Space Therapy

“You saying she’s been sitting there for over a week now?” asked Marcia. “Yeah,” replied Jake. “She just sits and stares at the wall. Occasionally she says something, but it’s usually incoherent. Eats a little. Cries maybe a couple of times an hour. Other than that, she just sits.” Rouge, his girlfriend, had been sitting on the floor of one of the university’s ten designated Safe-Space Areas ever since election night. The only time she had stood up was to […]

Three World Records Set in One Day After FBI Closes Clinton Investigation

According to sources at the Guinness Book of Records, the United States’ Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) may have achieved two world records in one day, plus indirectly led to a third being set. The first record came when the Bureau’s Director, James Comey, announced on Sunday that the organisation had concluded their new investigation into Mrs Clinton, and that their opinion had not changed since those they expressed in July. Coming just nine days after he wrote to Congress […]

Guest Post: Why I’m Exceptional & Indispensable – by Hillary Clinton

Following on from her recent piece for Time magazine, in which she so eloquently explained why America is indispensable and exceptional, TheBlogMire brings you an exclusive piece in which Mrs Clinton explains why an indispensable and exceptional nation must have an indispensable and exceptional leader. (Warning: May contain traces of satire) If there’s one core belief that has guided and inspired me every step of my career in public service, it’s this: I am an exceptional woman. A great, unselfish, […]

Exclusive: Tony Blair’s Speech at the Inaugural Conference of The Nation’s Newest Party — Global Britain

The news that Tony Blair is considering re-entering British politics will have come as a welcome relief to those who have missed his contribution these last 9 years. But to the other 99.99% of the population, it may have come as a shock to think that after so long away he still hasn’t managed to cure himself of his delusion that anyone is in the least bit interested in what he has to say. What does Tony have in mind, […]

Is Your Nation The Exceptional One?

With almost 200 nations around the world, telling which is The Exceptional One is really not a very easy task. Every country has a number of unique aspects that mark it out from the others, but not every one has what it really takes to be the Exceptional, much less the Indispensable nation. Only a country possessing a certain set of characteristics can be considered for this prestigious accolade, and it is with this in mind that the following test […]

Breaking: Putin ‘Possibly Injecting Journalists’ With Substance That Compels Them to Write Utter Drivel — Expert Says

Experts believe that Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has possibly discovered a substance which, when injected into journalists, causes them to write utter drivel. Suspicions have been growing for some time that Mr Putin has been developing such a chemical, but what once might have been consigned to the realm of conspiracy theories can, according to the experts, no longer be dismissed. Confirmation that the theory might be true gained credibility after several media outlets published pieces alleging that Mr Putin has managed […]

An Ae-Psyops Fable: The Little Old Woman Who Cried Bear!

Once upon a time there was a little old woman who lived in a large town. She was very ambitious and wanted to become the town’s Mayoress, and she often told people that they really ought to elect her because the town needed to break what she called “the glass ceiling”. But there was one problem. Many in the town were distrustful of her. For she was known to be exceedingly corrupt, regularly untruthful, and committed to sending the townsmen […]

Online Hate Crime Hub Investigates Offensive Goose Joke

Inside the new “online hate crime hub”, which has been set up by the London Mayor’s Office for Policing and Crime, Sergeant David Marshmallow and PC Gary Snowflake are discussing a new Hate Crime case that has just come in: Snowflake: Sarge, I need your advice on this? Marshmallow: What’s that Gary? Snowflake: Just received a complaint about this. Posted on Facebook. Marshmallow: What is it? Snowflake: Not sure, sir. I don’t quite know what to make of it. Marshmallow: […]

Russian Aggression: A Cheesy Novel From the Atlantic Council

General Sir Richard Shirreff, author of the novel, 2017: War with Russia, has just co-authored a new report on behalf of the Atlantic Council. In Arming for Deterrence, he and Maciej Olex-Szczytowski claim that the threat to Poland from a “resurgent Russia” is now so imminent that the Polish Government must take immediate steps to prepare the country for forthcoming invasion (interestingly, Pan Olex-Szczytowski happens to be Adviser on Poland to BAE Systems, Europe’s largest company in the Defence Sector). I confess that I haven’t […]

Brexit Rage: The Enlightened Facebook Thoughts of a Disgruntled Young Remainer

Warning: This Piece Contains Levels of Satire Which Could Seriously Damage Your Health I still can’t believe that so many people could be THAT STUPID to vote us out and ruin the country I mean it’s a TOTAL MOCKERY OF DEMOCRACY that so many people who were so ill informed and so full of bigotry and hate could even be allowed to vote about MY FUTURE I tell you I’m so ANGRY about it now that I can’t even tell you how […]

Brexit Referendum Latest: Chicken Licken Joins the ‘Staying in’ Campaign

Once upon a time there was a little chick called Chicken Licken. One day as he was scratching about in the farmyard, he was hit on the head by Government EU Referendum Propaganda. “Oh no,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down. I must go and tell the Queen”. On the way, Chicken Licken met the third little pig who was carrying bricks to build a house. “Where are you going in […]

The King Who Wanted to Increase His Power and Fulfil His Every Desire (or How the Graveyards are Full of Indispensable Men) Chapter 5

This is the fifth and final chapter in the adventures of the power-hungry King. Here are chapters one, two, three and four And so it came to pass that most of the womenfolk did leave off from raising their own children, and instead went to work for the barons, merchants and captains of industry. And as they did so, those who continued to refuse were declared to be stupid and backward, and in any case the cost of housing and […]

The King Who Wanted to Increase His Power and Fulfil His Every Desire (or How You Pay the State to Pay You to Look After Your Children) Chapter 4

Following on from chapters 1 and 2 and 3… Now it came to pass that after the King, together with the barons, merchants and captains of industrie, had spent a deal of resources on advertising and heavy propaganda to entice the womenfolk to leave off from raising their own children, that many of the womenfolk did indeed oblige. And as they did, the profits of the barons, merchants and captains of industrie grew, as did the Royal Treasury and the King’s […]

Urgent Advice to the Mainstream Media in the Event of Raqqa Being Retaken

This is another letter to mainstream media journalists from TheBlogMire’s resident “Russia expert”, Russell O’Phobe Dear Friends & Colleagues, It’s been some time since I wrote to you all, and you must forgive me if in this epistle I come across as angry. No, angry is not strong enough a word. Furious would be far more appropriate. As you will know, the Syrian Army, backed up by the Russian Airforce, took back the city of Palmyra from ISIS. It is […]

Kennels 4 Kids

Satire Warning: May contain traces of parody, though only separated by a couple of degrees from reality. To many parents, Priscilla Kendall’s holiday plans might seem shocking. Like many others, she’ll be heading off for two weeks in the sun this summer, but unlike most parents, she won’t be taking her children with her. Instead, they will be staying at the controversial “child boarding” company Kennels 4 Kids. For Ms Kendall, who works for an investment bank, this is the […]

Did Vladimir Putin’s New Year Message Contain a Sinister Coded Message to the West?

This is the latest piece by TheBlogMire’s resident Russia expert, Russell O’Phobe, which was written for the Daily Polygraph. According to some western analysts, the New Year message given by Russian President, Vladimir Putin, may have contained a coded warning about his intentions for 2016. Experts have been analysing the former KGB officer’s body language and words, and believe that behind the message of goodwill to the Russian people his real aim was to send out a veiled threat to […]

‘Christian Paganism’ Advocate Appointed Bishop of Barking & Batty

Heavy Satire Warning: Readers Should Take Care When Reading the Following Piece and Then Check out This Article The Church of England has appointed a leading advocate of a new form of Christian Paganism as Bishop of Barking and Batty. On 26th November, the Prime Minister’s Office announced The Queen had approved the nomination of Rev Darren Goring to the Suffragan See in the diocese of Nutbury. The new Bishop, who will be consecrated in February at Westminster Abbey, is […]

US Government Involved in ‘State-Sponsored Duping of Olympic Proportions’ — World Anti-Duping Agency

The U.S. Government has been operating a huge state-sponsored duping programme, according to a damning report by the World Anti-Duping Agency (WADA). The allegations of duping go back a number of years and, according to the report, investigations have uncovered a “deeply rooted culture of duping” going all the way to the top of the Federal Government. During a press conference the report’s author, Rick Dollar, pointed to the claims of Weapons of Mass Destruction as a pretext to go […]

On Scaremongering and The Importance of Keeping the Real Agenda From the Masses — by Russell O’Phobe

From Russell O’Phobe to all journalists working on Russia-related stories in the media Dear Friends & Colleagues, I want to begin this missive by pointing to some of the success stories that we have seen over the past few weeks, before going on to issue what I believe is a necessary warning about some of the challenges that lie ahead. I must say that it has been particularly pleasing for me personally to see many of the rules I set […]

No Post-Womb Education, no Vote, Says Tory Thinktank

Parents who refuse to send their children to a creche from the age of six months should be denied certain societal benefits, such as the right to go to cinemas, libraries and restaurants, according to an increasingly influential “Conservative” pressure group. The proposed denial of entry to public places is set out in a pamphlet by Shiny Pink, a liberal “Conservative” pressure group and thinktank, and is designed to prevent parents from thinking that it’s still acceptable in the 21st […]

Reclaiming the Media Narrative After Russian Intervention in Syria — by Russell O’Phobe

For urgent and immediate distribution to the foreign affairs departments of all mainstream media organisations. From Russell O’Phobe. Dear Friends and Colleagues, You will recall that I wrote to you back in September with my Primer on the art of writing Russian scare stories. I had felt it necessary to write back then in order to make sure that you were all on-message, and to give you the confidence and the tools you need to maintain the narrative that many […]

Only the Best for the Children of the Hard Working

Another offering for the excellent Conservative Woman site PR Coach (PRC): What you’ll often hear is that it’s all about getting your polices across to the public. But obviously that’s complete tripe. If you did that it would be a disaster. Politician (P): Hmm. Not quite sure I understand you. PRC: Remind me what you’re proposing again. P: Well, we’re giving parents the right to request that their children stay in school for longer hours, including breakfast and after-school hours. Holidays as well. […]

A Media Primer on the Art of Writing Russian Scare Stories

To be distributed to all major media organisations in the US, UK, Canada and Australia. By Russell O’Phobe. Over the past couple of years we in the media have, by and large, risen to the challenge and the need for publishing a good variety of Russian scare stories. That is all well and good, but it is my belief that unless we continue to publish pieces which adhere to the same journalistic standards, the narrative we have been working so […]

Nonsense & Nonsensibility

The handle of the door of the sitting room in the west wing of Laverwick House turned and in walked a sheepish looking Sir Edward Fitzwalter. He closed the door softly behind him before nervously looking over to the corner of the room where he saw Harriet Melksham seated on the chaise longue, awaiting him. In contrast to his somewhat awkward appearance, she was as ever the very epitome of poise and tranquillity. Her soft, delicate features radiated pleasantness towards her […]

Russian non-Invasion Causing Concern in European Capitals

Tensions across the Baltic States and Poland have reached fever pitch in recent days as it has become increasingly clear that the Russians have no plans whatsoever to attack any of these countries. For the last year, Poland, Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia have been giving increasingly urgent warnings of Russian invasion and have been attempting to convince the rest of the world that it must act decisively in order to stop President Vladimir Putin carrying out his plan to recreate […]

Change and Changeability: Are you a Transkindophobe?

This is an article I wrote way back when for American Vision. Seems to me to be as relevant now as it was back then.   Doctor Clive Gledhill looked down at his watch – 4:30. Only half an hour until the surgery shut and then he could head off home for the day to his family. He looked at the screen in front of him and saw that he had just two more patients booked in. Perhaps they might […]

The Irish Vote to Redefine Triangles

Today sees the Irish going to the polling stations to vote on whether or not the constitution should be changed to redefine triangles. Those who are voting against the motion — a motley crue of bigots, extremists and Polygonaphobes, according to those in the Yes camp — continue to insist that triangles must have three straight sides and three angles, such as this one:       However, their claims are being challenged as being intolerant, bigoted, old-fashioned, outdated and extremist by their opponents. According to a spokesperson […]

Trident, Wimbledon & the General Election: How to Counter “Russian Aggression”

I must say it was jolly nice of the Russians to suspend their aggression during the UK General Election campaign. In the months running up to April this year, the BBC and other media outlets were awash with headlines involving the Russian threat. There was a Russian submarine just off the coast of Sweden (actually it turned out to be a fishing boat but you can’t be too carful these days); Russian bombers flying in international airspace, if you can believe that; Russian […]

Are you a Ukrainophobe?

The Ukrainian Security Services Chief Investigator, Vasily Vovk, has just added another phobia to the growing list of fears or hatreds that you or I might apparently suffer from. Speaking on the charmingly named programme, Svoboda Slova (Freedom of Speech), Vovk was asked to comment on the recent spate of “suicides” and murders of opposition politicians and government-critical journalists that have taken place in his country. This was his response: “I think that in our time, when there is practically a war […]

Mr Obama Tries to Get His Head Around His Own Foreign Policy

The door of the Oval Office swings open and in walks Colonel Neil Con, adviser to the President on Foreign Affairs. Barack Obama (BO) – “Good morning Neil. How you doing today?” Neil Con (NC) – “Good morning Mr President. I’m good.” BO – “Take a seat and you can get started right away.” NC – “Good. Okay, so we’ll start with Yemen, shall we?” BO – “Yeah man. Sorry. Joke. So Yemen, what’s going on at the moment?” NC […]

Passport Pete

Standing on stage at the Munich Security Conference on Saturday, Petro Poroshenko provided new and incontrovertible evidence of the presence of the regular Russian army in Ukraine: “I take with me the passports and military ID of Russian soldiers, Russian officers who come to us. This is the best evidence for the aggression and for the presence of Russian troops.” Sadly, Mr Poroshenko’s solemn claims have been held up to ridicule on social media, some insidious examples of which appear […]