Mr Trump’s hit on Syria last week may have been met with utter dismay from many who voted for him, but it has been a big hit with many former opponents. In another Blogmire exclusive, we can reveal some of the letters of congratulations Mr Trump has received from around the world.


Dear Donald,

I just wanted to let you know that I’m really very sorry for some of the things I said about you in the past. I must admit to being completely taken in by your act during the elections where you seemed to be very hostile to our cause. But what a brilliant act, I now realise. You had us all fooled over here in Germany and the EU, and we were all very worried. Now that you’ve come out of the closet, so to speak, and I see you are on our side after all, I can’t tell you how relieved and happy that makes me. I am now having wonderful sleep for … well for the first time since I started my open door policy.

Please do forgive and forget any past misunderstanding. I look forward to the next bombs (perhaps my only criticism would be that some warning might be nice next time). And I look forward to inviting you to Berlin where I promise that I’ll not let you go without shaking your hand very fervently in front of the cameras.

Mit besten Grüßen

Angela Merkel

PS. Just a slight corrective that’s been bugging me since our meeting. The “g” in Angela is pronounced as in Gotterdamerung, rather than the g in Germany.

PPS. Please do convey my warmest wishes to Ivanka. I must admit I was somewhat surprised to be seated next to her at our meeting in March, and perhaps didn’t listen to her fashion advice as attentively as I should. But rest assured, I shall be very ready to listen next time we meet, whether about her recommendations for stylists or for bombing somewhere.


Dear Donald,

I wanted to drop you a note to thank you personally for what you did in Syria last week. It was great. “A great bombing,” as you might say yourself.

It seems such a shame that we’ve been at cross-purposes for too long, with all that fake news stuff, but it looks like we may have just been misreading one another. When you said all that stuff about America minding its own business and not getting involved in wars in other countries, I have to admit we did sort of freak out a bit. We actually thought you meant it. Ha! But boy what a great ruse to get elected. It now makes perfect sense and I’d like to assure you that for our part, we will support you wholeheartedly as long as you continue to bomb Syria and other places that need bombing.

Would it be too much to request a meeting where we could put our differences behind us for good and work together to make sure any future action you take gets the best possible exposure to the American public?

Yours sincerely,

Jeff Zucker
President of CNN


Dear Donald,

Thank you for bombing Syria. We had been on the ropes for some time, but your action has given us fresh hope that we might be able to turn the tables. Keep up the good work and don’t leave it too long before sending us another “present”.

Best wishes,

Al Nusra


Dear Donald,

We just wanted to write to you to let you know how excited we are about what you did in Syria. Really excited!

You have proven us wrong, and we owe you an apology for some of the things we’ve said. Like so many, we thought you really meant it when you came out with all that “no more foreign wars” “America first” stuff. Heck, we even thought you were serious when you said all that stuff about “getting along with Russia”. We can’t tell you how much that freaked us out, especially as we saw our whole life’s dream of war with them being shattered.

But though you had us fooled, we feel the need to caution you against being content with a one-off action. Yes you’ve taken the right action at last, yet every day of your Presidency that you haven’t been raining down Tomahawks somewhere in Syria has been a lost opportunity and a terrible stain on your leadership. Make no mistake, we need to bomb Syria again. And again. And again and again and again. We need to do it until the whole country has been bombed. It’s the only way to stop Assad from bombing his own people.

And then when we’ve done there, we need to bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran. And then North Korea. And then Russia. And then China. And then… well if there’s anywhere else that needs bombing, we need to bomb there as well. It’s the only language that these people understand.

Once again apologies for misunderstanding the act, brilliant though it was. Now go get on with the job and know that we’ll be cheering on every bomb you drop.

Best wishes,

Sen. John McCain
Sen. Lindsey Graham


Dear Donald,

Wow. Just wow. Hope you don’t mind me saying that. I mean cripes. Tallyho’s what I thought when I saw those missiles fly. Cracking stuff. Jolly good show, as we say over here.

Tempted to think that we have something in common. Like you I changed my opinions on Syria shortly after I got the job. After they explained the plan to me, that is. Tempted to think you must have got the same treatment, what?

One question: not entirely sure what to do next. Cancelled visit to Moscow. Now awaiting further instructions. If Mr Tillerson could let me know what I should do when it’s convenient for him, I’d be much obliged.

My very best regards,

Boris Johnson
Foreign Secretary of Great Britain and Northern Ireland


Dear Donald,

What can I say except all is forgiven (well except I’m jealous that you got to do it and not me). Bill and I would love to have you and Melania come and stay some time. Let us know when it’s convenient.

Best regards,

Hillary

PS. Do you think if I pretend to be in favour of peace, no more foreign interventions and getting along with Putin, I might stand a chance in 2020?

8 thoughts on “Congratulations Flood in to Donald Trump From Around the World After His Attack on Syria

  1. You gave me a chill by suggesting (even in jest) the possibility of Hillary trying again in 2020. Please, no. She brought so much baggage with her that the Republicans already hated, that she didn’t stand a chance at winning them over.

    1. I’m honoured Peter. I’ll try not to come up with anything funnier until January 2018 at the earliest to avoid your Awards Committee having egg on their faces 🙂

      Rob

  2. Rob, you devil.

    And there was me thinking that all of your political commentary was serious and in-depth analysis.

    You are joking, aren’t you?

    These days we can’t really be sure – these letters sound pretty genuine to me.

    If Wikileaks can drop a scoop or two every now and then, why not TheBlogMire?

    1. Peter,

      When I’m doing satire (which I am known to dabble in from time to time :)), I have two objectives: one, make it reasonably funny; two, make it as close to reality as is possible. The truth is, any one of these people could have sent something like these letters to President Swamp. And there is something faintly hilarious about that, given that they all professed to hate him five minutes ago. All it took to get in their good books was some wild and irrational bombing, on a pretext which hasn’t remotely been proven. Sort of funny, but very, very tragic.

      Best,

      Rob

  3. Americans spend so much more money on the military and the weapons of Death and Destruction than Russia, China, Iran and many other Nations combined, they have a collective orgasm when they’re used.

    1. Exactly! And as Madeleine Albright once said to Colin Powell: “What’s the point of having this superb military that you’re always talking about if we can’t use it?”

      Rob

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