Warning: This piece may contain traces of satire.

Scientists at Princeton University say they have made a startling discovery which could change the way we think about biological sex. Until now, it had been assumed that the sex of a person was not fixed, and could be changed according to how a person felt, but according to the team of researchers, their new findings could blow that idea out of the water.

According to the scientist leading the research, Professor Duncan Forth, the unexpected discovery came after months of painstaking work studying human cells:

“We had been looking into the chromosomal structure of cells, when – quite by accident – we realised that there was a difference between one of the pairs. In some of the cells we were studying, both chromosomes were shaped like an ‘X’, but in others, only one of the pairs was shaped like this. The second chromosome was much smaller. We decided to label it ‘Y’”.

The research became controversial when the team began to investigate potential connections between the ‘X’ ‘Y’ discovery, and the subjects from whom the cells had been taken. To Professor Forth’s surprise, one link became immediately apparent:

“When we ran various tests to see which characteristics the ‘XX’ or ‘XY’ combinations correlated with, we were all amazed to see that in every case where there was an ‘XX’, the person from which it was taken was a female, and in every case where there was an ‘XY’, the cells had been taken from a male.”

Well aware of the huge ramifications of the discovery, the professor nervously explained how the findings, if verified, could completely alter the way we think about biological sex and the terms male and female:

“Yes, the implications would be enormous, as it would have the horrifying implications that a person is either ‘born female’ or ‘born male’ and that their feelings – which we had always assumed were supreme – actually don’t really mean that much. But I really can’t stress highly enough that our sample size was really very small, and it could be that further research will show that there really is no hard and fast correlation across the population as a whole.”

That further research may not even be possible, however, as there is rising fury across the university that the study was given funding in the first place. As one 2nd year biology student said to me:

“This place is supposed to be a place of tolerance and respect. Yet they’re funding hate research which is causing a lot of people a lot of pain and hurt. A lot of pain and hurt.”

Others who I spoke to broke down in tears as they talked about what this research could mean for them if allowed to continue. One particularly distraught post-graduate sociology student wept as they opened up to me:

“All my life I’ve been told that I can do what I want to do and be who I want to be. And that nobody has the right to deny me my rights. I truly do believe that. It’s up to me to decide whether I want to be male or female, or neither, or both. And no hate-filled pseudo-scientist or their so-called chromosomal research will ever change that.”

The university’s antifascist movement has been threatening to take action unless the research is stopped, the scientists sacked, and a statement issued repudiating the findings so far. I managed to track down the group’s leader in the University Safe Space, where he was taking a break between lectures to browse through a baseball equipment catalogue.

Wearing a black balaclava to protect his identity, he told me that the group would not tolerate the situation any longer:

“There’s no way we’re going to sit by and let them get away with this vile hate in the name of science,” he said. “This kind of genetic determinism is scarily like what the Nazis thought. And if they think we’re going to tolerate Nazism in our university in 2017, they’ve got another think coming.”

The controversy has also gone well beyond the university itself, with social media users lining up to condemn what they’re calling “hate research”. A barrage of criticism was unleashed on Twitter, for instance:

 Haters @Princeton: How dare you try to force objective reality over my feelings!!! #NoToChromosomes

@Princeton bigots dare 2 tell us we can’t be who we want 2 be.


PS. Since writing this piece, it has been confirmed that the team of scientists working on the research are no longer in the employ of Princeton, and are now said to be “looking for work”.

3 thoughts on “Princeton Scientists Cause Uproar by Discovering “Sex Chromosome”

  1. “… further research may not even be possible, however, as there is rising fury across the university that the study was given funding in the first place.”

    Rob, I think your article makes an important observation in a clever and witty way!

    As a tangential point, most research in science and medicine these days depends on massive funding because of the expensive technology and equipment required, and most of the people who hold the purse strings are not scientists solely concerned to investigate the universe impartially but rather financial directors and institute executives who march to the zeitgeist’s drumbeat (e.g. the sacking of Tim Hunt by University College London).

    Contrast this current situation with what happened hundreds of years ago when significant advances could be made in science and medicine by maverick thinkers using a few household objects for their equipment. An amateur astronomer could sit in his back garden surrounded by his tomato plants and use a rudimentary telescope to make observations about the stars from which he could make deductions about the structure of the solar system that revolutionised man’s understanding. Galileo is said to have dropped 2 spheres of different weight from the top of the leaning tower of Pisa to demonstrate the ground-breaking idea that their time of descent was independent of their mass. Archimedes is said to have been observing the fluctuating water level in the public swimming baths when he figured out a way to test the purity of gold by measuring the volume of water it displaced when fully immersed.

    These stories about Galileo and Archimedes are probably aprocryphal but they are typical of what might have happened. Researchers in past centuries had opportunity to make significant discoveries from simple basic experiments. But further progress in science and medicine requires investigation of microscopic or sub-atomic phenomena and so it relies on the use of expensive technology. Therefore modern researchers are straitjacketed by the political correctness of their financial sponsors.

  2. I am almost positive there is a confusion generating contraption of some sort in America and it is turning our nation in most vicious circles. Boy, we just watched a video where it showed that Hurricane Harvey was intentionally created to drop 3 quadrillion tons of water on Houston with Rapid Evaporation technology making clouds and some kind of energy devices which could guide it. We had several books about weather modification back in the 90’s, but the NOAA scientists today just have never heard of such a thing. Hmm.

    1. Jenny: Stupidity has been weaponized.

      But, Rob, this comes back to an earlier gripe I was having with you. I actually like this blog post and think it is well-written and makes some good points. But, as a Christian, don’t we have a calling to address larger issues that are causing human suffering? Don’t we have a calling to let our righteous anger go against those who try and disgrace our Lord within the temple? You’ve spoken out against violence and white supremacy and racism. Thank you. I understood that you are level-headed and it is always good to see some of that these days. Now what would you say about the so-called Christians who are either supporting it or turning a blind eye? And this repeal of DACA thing…I have seen people compare it to genocide, and I don’t think they are far off. Not to the extreme of genocide, but not far off.

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