“You’re going to have a baby? Oh congratulations, I’m just thrilled. That really is fantastic news. So pleased for you. I’m really over the moon.”
“You’re having another baby? Oh how wonderful. Your first was a boy, wasn’t it? Well let’s hope this one’s a girl. Ha! Yes I know we shouldn’t really think like that. Just be happy whatever it is. Still it would make a nice set, wouldn’t it?”
“You’re expecting…again? Em… let’s see. You already have two, don’t you? Boy and a girl isn’t it? Well I suppose a third is okay. Put it down to a little accident, shall we? No that’s great. I love children. I’m really happy for you both.”
“They’re going to have another baby?? What? Are you serious?? But they already have three! I had assumed that the last one was an accident. Surely they can’t have made the same mistake twice. Haven’t they ever heard of contraceptives? Oh they’re not Roman Catholics are they?”
“Another one?!? Now I’ve heard it all. What is their problem? Are they trying to populate the whole earth with their offspring or something? Quite frankly I find it offensive. No I really do. The rest of us manage with just two. That’s a nice number, isn’t it? But five? Why on earth would anyone want five children? I mean, nobody loves children more than I do, but frankly this is beyond funny.”
“Oh another one is it? No, I’m not surprised. Why should I be surprised? In fact nothing surprises me anymore with those people. They lost the power to shock me after they went and had a fourth. I mean four, I ask you. But now what is this? I’ve lost count. Six is it? Well, let me know when they have their seventh and their eighth. Oh and if they ever make it to ten, be sure to send me a text just so I can work out their entire carbon footprint. Clearly they don’t care a fig about the state of the planet and are determined to ruin it for the rest of us. But there are some of us left that still care about it and want to preserve something for our children and our children’s children.”
Remember: The last baby is just as human as the first!