Russiagate: A Convention of Village Idiots Holding a Never-Ending Hunt for a Non-Existent Needle in an Ever-Expanding Haystack

Imagine a Convention of Village Idiots holding a never-ending hunt for a non-existent needle in an ever-expanding haystack. Every once in a while one of them finds a twig, or an old sock, or a marble, and with a look of sheer delight on their face they look up and squawk, “I’ve found it”. And all the other VIs gather round to marvel at the needle, and the news is published in the press across the country that they’ve got […]

Dunker – The New Social Media Site Establishing Justice by the Mob Democracy

Welcome to Dunker, the world’s latest social media site. If you’re not familiar with how it works, don’t worry, we’ll explain it now, but it really is so simple that you’re sure to pick it up quickly as you go along. The idea behind Dunker was born out of a desire to make justice far more transparent and democratic. As we’re sure you’re aware, in the past the law has been the preserve of the elites, whilst the people have […]

EXCLUSIVE: Explosive Recording of Nefarious Kremlin Plot to Undermine US Democracy Using Post-Election Puppy Ads

An explosive new tape has just been released of a discussion that is alleged to have taken place in the Kremlin in June 2016. The recording is said to feature the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, the Prime Minister, Dmitry Medvedev, and the Minister of Foreign Affairs, Sergey Lavrov, with the three men discussing how they could interfere in the US election to ensure the election of Donald Trump. A transcript is below. Vladimir Putin (VP) – Gentlemen, as you know, in […]

Overwhelming Evidence of Russian Interference in 2016 Election for Pugley Mayor, Says Former Councillor

By Theblogmire’s resident Russia expert, Russell O’Phobe. There is “clear evidence” that Russia interfered directly in the 2016 mayoral election in the town of Pugley, one of the candidates has said. Speaking to a gathering of local councillors, Brian Arkwright, the loser in last year’s election, told them that the election had been “compromised by Russian infiltration”. The former town councillor’s comments came after it emerged that a number of councils may have also been the target of cyberattacks during the […]

You Think That Thing is a What? A Living, Viable, Human Baby? Are You Blind?

The thing in the video below is not a baby. Granted, it looks a little bit like a baby, what with that head shaped bit, and those sort of limby looking bits, plus some of the other things that babies have. But actually it has been growing for just 20 weeks and so any resemblance to a baby is purely coincidental. The thing in this video may not even be alive. Granted, it does seem to be moving, but there are a lot […]

Exclusive: How Donald Trump Decides His Foreign Policy

For those of us who saw the psychopathic Mrs Clinton as a gigantic threat to world peace, hearing Donald Trump speaking about “getting along with Russia”, as opposed to wanting to go to war with it, was really rather refreshing and even cause for a faint glimmer of hope that the US might actually be about to abandon its messianic claims over the whole world and settle down to being a proper country that minds its own business. To be fair, there were some […]

Three World Records Set in One Day After FBI Closes Clinton Investigation

According to sources at the Guinness Book of Records, the United States’ Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) may have achieved two world records in one day, plus indirectly led to a third being set. The first record came when the Bureau’s Director, James Comey, announced on Sunday that the organisation had concluded their new investigation into Mrs Clinton, and that their opinion had not changed since those they expressed in July. Coming just nine days after he wrote to Congress […]

Guest Post: Why I’m Exceptional & Indispensable – by Hillary Clinton

Following on from her recent piece for Time magazine, in which she so eloquently explained why America is indispensable and exceptional, TheBlogMire brings you an exclusive piece in which Mrs Clinton explains why an indispensable and exceptional nation must have an indispensable and exceptional leader. (Warning: May contain traces of satire) If there’s one core belief that has guided and inspired me every step of my career in public service, it’s this: I am an exceptional woman. A great, unselfish, […]

Is Your Nation The Exceptional One?

With almost 200 nations around the world, telling which is The Exceptional One is really not a very easy task. Every country has a number of unique aspects that mark it out from the others, but not every one has what it really takes to be the Exceptional, much less the Indispensable nation. Only a country possessing a certain set of characteristics can be considered for this prestigious accolade, and it is with this in mind that the following test […]

Breaking: Putin ‘Possibly Injecting Journalists’ With Substance That Compels Them to Write Utter Drivel — Expert Says

Experts believe that Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has possibly discovered a substance which, when injected into journalists, causes them to write utter drivel. Suspicions have been growing for some time that Mr Putin has been developing such a chemical, but what once might have been consigned to the realm of conspiracy theories can, according to the experts, no longer be dismissed. Confirmation that the theory might be true gained credibility after several media outlets published pieces alleging that Mr Putin has managed […]

Tolerant Baker Joke

Three men walk into a bakery. “Good morning,” says the owner, “what can I do for you all?” “I’d like to order a cake iced with all the colours of the rainbow and the words ‘Celebrating same-sex marriage,’” said the first man. “Certainly. And how about you,” said the owner turning to the second man. “I’d like a cake iced with the words ‘Celebrating Tolerance and Diversity.’” “Yes of course. That’s what we’re all about here. And how about you?” […]

Is Putin Weaponising Stupidity?

For some time I’ve been trying to develop an all-encompassing theory to account for the behaviour of Western leaders and the media over the last few years. At times their actions and the words of many of them have appeared to be, shall we say, unhinged. But it was only when I heard what the British Foreign Secretary, Philip Hammond, had to say in the House of Commons on 14th March that the penny finally dropped for me and my all-encompassing theory […]

Did Vladimir Putin’s New Year Message Contain a Sinister Coded Message to the West?

This is the latest piece by TheBlogMire’s resident Russia expert, Russell O’Phobe, which was written for the Daily Polygraph. According to some western analysts, the New Year message given by Russian President, Vladimir Putin, may have contained a coded warning about his intentions for 2016. Experts have been analysing the former KGB officer’s body language and words, and believe that behind the message of goodwill to the Russian people his real aim was to send out a veiled threat to […]

‘Christian Paganism’ Advocate Appointed Bishop of Barking & Batty

Heavy Satire Warning: Readers Should Take Care When Reading the Following Piece and Then Check out This Article The Church of England has appointed a leading advocate of a new form of Christian Paganism as Bishop of Barking and Batty. On 26th November, the Prime Minister’s Office announced The Queen had approved the nomination of Rev Darren Goring to the Suffragan See in the diocese of Nutbury. The new Bishop, who will be consecrated in February at Westminster Abbey, is […]

On Scaremongering and The Importance of Keeping the Real Agenda From the Masses — by Russell O’Phobe

From Russell O’Phobe to all journalists working on Russia-related stories in the media Dear Friends & Colleagues, I want to begin this missive by pointing to some of the success stories that we have seen over the past few weeks, before going on to issue what I believe is a necessary warning about some of the challenges that lie ahead. I must say that it has been particularly pleasing for me personally to see many of the rules I set […]

No Post-Womb Education, no Vote, Says Tory Thinktank

Parents who refuse to send their children to a creche from the age of six months should be denied certain societal benefits, such as the right to go to cinemas, libraries and restaurants, according to an increasingly influential “Conservative” pressure group. The proposed denial of entry to public places is set out in a pamphlet by Shiny Pink, a liberal “Conservative” pressure group and thinktank, and is designed to prevent parents from thinking that it’s still acceptable in the 21st […]

Reclaiming the Media Narrative After Russian Intervention in Syria — by Russell O’Phobe

For urgent and immediate distribution to the foreign affairs departments of all mainstream media organisations. From Russell O’Phobe. Dear Friends and Colleagues, You will recall that I wrote to you back in September with my Primer on the art of writing Russian scare stories. I had felt it necessary to write back then in order to make sure that you were all on-message, and to give you the confidence and the tools you need to maintain the narrative that many […]

A Media Primer on the Art of Writing Russian Scare Stories

To be distributed to all major media organisations in the US, UK, Canada and Australia. By Russell O’Phobe. Over the past couple of years we in the media have, by and large, risen to the challenge and the need for publishing a good variety of Russian scare stories. That is all well and good, but it is my belief that unless we continue to publish pieces which adhere to the same journalistic standards, the narrative we have been working so […]

Russian non-Invasion Causing Concern in European Capitals

Tensions across the Baltic States and Poland have reached fever pitch in recent days as it has become increasingly clear that the Russians have no plans whatsoever to attack any of these countries. For the last year, Poland, Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia have been giving increasingly urgent warnings of Russian invasion and have been attempting to convince the rest of the world that it must act decisively in order to stop President Vladimir Putin carrying out his plan to recreate […]

The Irish Vote to Redefine Triangles

Today sees the Irish going to the polling stations to vote on whether or not the constitution should be changed to redefine triangles. Those who are voting against the motion — a motley crue of bigots, extremists and Polygonaphobes, according to those in the Yes camp — continue to insist that triangles must have three straight sides and three angles, such as this one:       However, their claims are being challenged as being intolerant, bigoted, old-fashioned, outdated and extremist by their opponents. According to a spokesperson […]

Trident, Wimbledon & the General Election: How to Counter “Russian Aggression”

I must say it was jolly nice of the Russians to suspend their aggression during the UK General Election campaign. In the months running up to April this year, the BBC and other media outlets were awash with headlines involving the Russian threat. There was a Russian submarine just off the coast of Sweden (actually it turned out to be a fishing boat but you can’t be too carful these days); Russian bombers flying in international airspace, if you can believe that; Russian […]