According to sources at the Guinness Book of Records, the United States’ Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) may have achieved two world records in one day, plus indirectly led to a third being set.
The first record came when the Bureau’s Director, James Comey, announced on Sunday that the organisation had concluded their new investigation into Mrs Clinton, and that their opinion had not changed since those they expressed in July. Coming just nine days after he wrote to Congress informing them that he was reopening the investigation into Mrs Clinton, due to the discovery of an estimated 650,000 emails on the laptop of Mr Anthony Weiner, experts believe that the Bureau has achieved the immense feat of trawling through an average of 72,222 emails per day.
What makes the new record particularly impressive is that it shatters the FBI’s own previous record, which saw them trawl through 55,000 of Mrs Clinton’s emails over a year-and-a-half – an average of around 100 per day. The difference between 100 and 72,222 per day may at first glance appear to be inexplicable, but sources inside the Bureau have put it down to “folks working really hard to get the job done” so as not to interfere with the election.
The second record is for the world’s largest attempt at pulling the wool over people’s eyes in the week before an election. With some 210,000,000 people eligible to vote this year, Mr Comey’s announcement that the Bureau had concluded the massive investigation he announced nine days earlier, and had found no evidence of wrongdoing, is thought to have smashed the previous biggest attempt to pull the wool over the eyes of voters, which was held for less than five months by the British government, who claimed back in June that the sky would fall down in the event of a vote to leave the European Union.
But as if two records weren’t enough, the FBI’s actions also appear to have led to another record being set on the same day. By completing such a huge investigation in record time, leaving Mrs Clinton free to stand on election day without the shadow of an investigation over her, the US has now apparently become the world’s largest banana republic. Although US banana production is small, experts say that it is enough for it to qualify for this prestigious award.